One of those days.

Ever little once and a while I am convinced that God has stored up punishment for all my little sins and has to release them all at once. Not Big, Smiting, type of punishments. Just the punishments for not being as good of a person as I could be: Not being as nice to my fellow creatures, missing a prayer, really wanting to swear, adding my own lyrics to hymns, teaching my kids little habits that drive my wife nuts... etc. Anyway, I think there is an angel somewhere that running a tally on all my little misdeeds and punishment has to come down.

When punishment finally comes down it happens all in one day. A day when nothing goes right despite your best efforts. You can't find your keys, your late for work, you take the blame for something, someone is mad at you and you don't know why, you're overly self conscious, you forgot a bit of homework, you lose a glove...etc. So you spend the whole day in what feels like a broken treadmill. You can't get ahead no matter how are you run.

Usually when these days come around I find a nice controlled area of my house and don't answer the phone. As long as I am in an area that I can control then nothing can hurt me and once the day is over then I can resume my regular activities.

I just wish I could avoid these days, but as of now hiding is the best way that I have found.

The only consistent feature in all your unsatisfying relationships

One of my favorite demotivators is one called Dysfunction. It says The Only Consistent Feature In All Your Unsatisfying Relationships Is You.


Today of all days is way I feel. My worst fear for my kids is that they end up as friendless as I am, as I have been and probably as I will remain. Now this isn't for lack of trying, I have a very acute distaste for social gatherings but I have spent a good part of my life going to them despite how I feel and I make the decision to have a good time. More often then not I do have a good time, but as always, if offered the opportunity not to go to a social function I will always choose not to go.

In high school I had a number of friends but once you break that High School barrier then something happens. People move on. Only two of my friends have remained friends from graduation through the mission and partly through marriage. When kids start to come into the mix then things get even a little more strained, especially if your friends don't have any kids.

Nevertheless, over time I've been left with one friend of which I only see every couple of months. All of our other attempts to cultivate new friendships have usually led to very little if anything at all. The last couple that we got along well with just vanished from one day to the next, we tried to maintain contact but it felt kind of one-sided. We kind of understood it because they had moved to another town, but recently they moved back to town and never contacted us. I feel like the hint is that they don't really want to have much to do with us, my wife feels the same way.

So here we are pondering on what it is that makes us so unlikable. My wife says that it's not us, but I think otherwise. Heck you have to have something wrong with you when you've been in a ward for over 4-years and they've never asked you to talk in sacrament once!

Then there is that little thing about how I can't even seem to be able to get my family to read my blog, but that's a whining session for another day.