Somedays your the giver, somedays your the reciever

I think I can say with a fair amount of confidence that I grew up in a proud family. I don't think that we were haughty, but we were not a people that really went outside of the family if we needed help. For that reason I feel kinda odd about the world right now.

I've spent most of my life were I've been self-sufficient. I had enough for my needs, sometimes a little more that I could share but not often. On the whole I didn't need extra help. Although there have been times when my family have swooped in to give me an extra hand. I've always been very thankful for those times but I really wish to be in a position were I could do a little more giving than I do.

As I have had a family of my own we have gone to extraordinary lengths to stay out of debt. Most/if not all of our stuff is second hand. The only things in my house that we have counted as having bought as new are: Our bed (2004), Our TV (2002), Our computer (2003), Our DVD player (2000) and that's it. Everything else has started out their lives with someone else and we are just trying to make them last. Often I feel as if we should be better off then we are but every time I look at our finances I see that we aren't. Sometimes the feeling of just being out of debt isn't quite enough. Especially since we just had to buy a new furnace and water heater, we didn't need the water heater but they gave us a good deal on it and ours is 18 years old. So we find ourselves in debt yet again.

Nevertheless last month a little form came home with our daughter asking us if we could use some help this Christmas. We just needed to fill out a couple of things about our income and see if they choose us. I was a little stand offish on the idea, but I told my wife to fill it out anyway because I didn't think they would pick us. Well, they picked us and that's when it hit me that our financial situation may be a little more bleak then I thought. Now, we aren't on the edge of poverty or anything, but when a local charity group wants to help you out for Christmas then suddenly you realize how close to the lower end of the spectrum you really are. I agonized over the gifts for almost a week, asking myself how is it we got here. Should I just consider it a blessing? Should I take it as a sign that we really should be trying harder? Should I take it as a sign that the Lord needs us to try harder in our spiritual lives? Is the Lord trying to make me more humble so that I can be more willing to accept help when it's offered and not be distraught about it? Is it all of the above? Or none of the above? Or could it be that the Lord needs people to be on the receiving end of people that need to give?

I really don't know. I hope that one day I can start looking for people to help out. But I guess for today we get to be on the receiving end. Thank you for the gifts.